Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"