She is in my trunk
I want to have your abortion
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night