When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.