i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
