I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
