Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
