And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
