dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
