He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
