Yo dont text me then not text me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
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Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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