i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Randomize
