so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
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if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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