Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
