We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
