My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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