So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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