two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
