My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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