well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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