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• (563): View more from Iowa

  I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.

  Fav 6 1238 809

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

  Fav 111 40363 3930

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  making cat noises will not fix the situation.

  Fav 6 3574 1360

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.

  Fav 25 809 3756

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees

  Fav 17 4546 1502

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.

  Fav 33 5709 1349

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

  Fav 14 6421 1518

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.

  Fav 11 2787 1076

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• (696): View more from

  Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?

  (451): View more from

  Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes

  Fav 7 2327 704

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest

  Fav 6 1097 750

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.

  Fav 18 2382 723

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• (239): View more from Florida

  Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.

  Fav 2 692 452

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE

  Fav 2 307 430

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• (714): View more from California

  Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers

  (1-714): View more from California

  One time!! I like sex and food....

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