I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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