PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
