Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
