I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
