We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
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It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
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