yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
