I am in a vortex of obligation.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
