Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
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