You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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