he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
