This girl is more easily done than said...
no, he came in my armpit
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
