I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
