Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
