I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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