There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
