you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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