singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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