I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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