I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
