The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
