He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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