he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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