i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
