Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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