conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Girls should come with a carfax report
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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