Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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