I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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