I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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