People in love make me want to vomit
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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