No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
