is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
