Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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