Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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