She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
