The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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