i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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