i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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