this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
