i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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