bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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