why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
