Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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