I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
