Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
