you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
