maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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