Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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