after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
