mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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