plz talk dirty to me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
