I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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