I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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