we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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