he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
