real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
