dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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