Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
