a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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