Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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