every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize