i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
50% drunk capacity currently
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
