Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
