THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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