i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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