wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
