New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
