is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
