I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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