My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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